I like Burt’s Bees. For those who don’t know what it is, it’s a lip balm that helps to protect your lips from becoming dry, which is particularly nice during the winter months. I actually use it year-round, and I am particularly happy that they have a new line that has tint added in for a lip gloss effect. Before anybody starts to wonder, this post is not sponsored by Burt’s Bees, nor do I have any affiliation with them, which is unfortunate for me.
I’ve been using Burt’s Bees for several years. My first hint that it might have some sort of mystical dog hypnotizing powers was when Blueberry started hopping up on the bed every night and sniffing my lips until her tail nearly wagged off and her head began wobbling so hard I was afraid she’d go cross-eyed. Something about it just seemed to override any rational thought processes she was having and reduced her to a quivering mass of excitement. I usually had to back away and hide behind the blanket to avoid having dog snot art all over my lips every night. It was a little disconcerting to be the object of that much fascination, truth be told.
About a month ago, Bunny and Morgan were hanging out together on our bed one afternoon. This is not unusual. However, on that particular day, I returned to the room to find that my tube of Burt’s Bees was not on the nightstand. I soon found the chewed up tube hidden under the covers. The cap was never located. I had a top suspect, but no proof, so I made the “I’m watching you” motion and went to throw the tube, which was completely devoid of the actual product, into the garbage can. I grumbled about it to Mr. Taleteller, who went out and bought me another tube, probably just so he wouldn’t have to hear me complaining about it.
Tuesday morning, I came out of the bathroom to find Morgan and Bunny lounging on the bed again. Sure enough, the tube of Burt’s Bees had been purloined and Morgan didn’t even look shame-faced as I caught her chewing on the new tube. I shouted something like “Noooo” as I went to retrieve it, which brought Mr. Taleteller into the room to investigate what was going on.
Me: Morgan! Not again!
Morgan: Good mooooooorning! What?
Me: You chewed up my tube of Burt’s Bees — again!
Mr. Taleteller: Maybe she wanted to have soft lips, too!
Me: That’s not funny. Don’t quit your day job for comedy.
Morgan: Here! Let me kiss you and show you how soft my lips are now!
At this point she launched herself off the bed and twined around my legs, eyeing my face in a way that I wasn’t sure I was comfortable with. I turned and went to throw away the newest tube of lip balm and Morgan was hot on my heels. When I turned around in the bathroom, sure enough, my lips touched dog lips and then she proceeded to wash my face with her tongue. I wish I could say that this was the first time that had happened to me, but sadly, I cannot. Her furry tail was wagging like mad. Apparently, the smell of Burt’s Bees on her own lips turned her into some kind of kissing bandit.
It all leaves me wondering what exactly they’re putting in that stuff. If I could figure out what the magical concoction was, I think I could get dogs everywhere to jump through hoops and perform all sorts of other tricks, too. Now I need to find a new place to stash my Burt’s Bees as well as figure out what I can do to convince Morgan to respect a few personal boundaries. I guess I should count myself lucky that she finds it attractive instead of feeling inspired to bite my lips off.
Is there anything your dogs find simply irresistible?
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