Bunny here at the keyboard, writing about something that’s been on my mind.
You see, I have been writing letters to Santa for the past few years explaining to him why Greyhounds would be a much better choice to pull his sleigh than reindeer, but I have a feeling Rudolph and Blitzen have been intercepting my letters in an attempt to hold on to their jobs. It seems like a logical conclusion, because I think if Santa had received my letters, he would have at least taken the time to reply to my correspondence. Santa is classy like that. I believe that I have some compelling arguments that would sway his opinion if he were to read them. I’m not even sure he realizes that he has options, which greatly concerns me.
So, I thought I would share my points here in hopes that someone might forward this list to him so he could contemplate them.
Greyhounds are faster than reindeer. We are so fast that we look like we’re flying when we run and with a little magic, we could pull the sleigh around the world in a fraction of the time it takes the reindeer. Part of the reason for this is that we are more aerodynamic. Greyhounds were built for speed while reindeer were built to be an Eskimo’s dinner. Santa wouldn’t have to stay up as late delivering all those gifts, and he could be back home, all nestled in his bed so that he didn’t have to sleep for the next month to recover.
Reindeer have no fashion sense. Greyhounds know how to rock a winter coat. Reindeer think harnesses with bells on are good enough, but with Greyhounds on the job, Santa will be looking very smart and stylish. Let’s also face it. Greyhounds are much prettier than reindeer. We also have much better manners, which I’m sure Santa would appreciate.
Greyhounds are much cleaner than reindeer. We have nice, short coats so we won’t be leaving fur behind on everyone’s roof. He also won’t have to deal with antler fuzz left behind on chimneys. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen reindeer poop, but they make little pellets and lots of them. There’s no way Santa can scoop that with a bag. Trust me, there’s a local zoo here that makes ornaments out of reindeer pellets (don’t be fooled by the clever name of “reindeer gems,” poop is poop) and I heard them on the radio talking about how many tons of pellets they have to scoop. Santa ought to know that even if we Greyhounds have to lighten the load, it wouldn’t be enough that he’d need a separate sleigh to carry it all back and dispose of it properly, and we’d be done so much faster that there wouldn’t be much need for clean up, anyway.
Stealth would be a lot easier with Greyhounds pulling the sleigh. We move like ninjas. There would be no pawing and snorting while we are on the roof. We would just curl up and take a quick power nap while Santa was making his deliveries. This would result in a lot less people being woken up, especially human puppies who are always trying to spy on Santa.
Pulling the sleigh with us would be a lot more relaxing. Greyhounds are softer than cashmere, so when Santa started to feel the stress of the long journey and making sure everybody got the right presents or lumps of coal, he could spend a little time petting us and his blood pressure would go right down. A happier, more relaxed Santa sounds like a good thing for everyone if you ask me.
So, there you have my list of reasons.
I think it’s clear that Greyhounds would be a much better choice to pull Santa’s sleigh. He probably needs a few hounds around the North Pole year round to take care of him, too, but I already have a full time job taking care of the humans I have. He’ll have to get his own Greyhounds for that. Now, if I could just get Santa to see the light, Christmas would be better for everybody. Clearly, Santa doesn’t know what he’s missing.